Recovering From Hate & Betrayal

tara stanard, vera stanard, Recovering From Hate, hate, betrayal, transgender, transitioning with sophia

About eleven days ago I received a restraining order from my ex-wife, Tara Stanard, that contained a declaration from my former mother, Vera Stanard. While the bulk of the declaration is an attack on my disability, there are parts that demonstrate irrational thinking. For one both my ex-wife and former mother claim that the Veteran's Administration is an unreliable source. As if the VA, a federal institution, can be manipulated by a single veteran into producing illegitimate statements of support. Anyway, hate, transphobia, homophobia, and bigotry are all irrational, which is why they're illegal. The fact that they tried to discredit a federal institution, shows the lengths people will go to harm those they hate. Since a bigot's hate is irrational their justifications for harming the people they hate are often littered with irrational thinking. The Veteran's Administration cannot be manipulated by a single veteran. The fact that it's taxpayer funded and does not earn a single dime from me, also speaks to its status as a reliable source.

Anyway, this whole episode was like having a grenade thrown into my apartment by a sheriff who was clueless as to how emotionally damaging his service was. I had to convince the sheriff that I was the person to be served because I looked nothing like the description in the restraining order. I knew it was coming because my ex-wife had been mocked me for succeeding in obtaining it a few days prior, so I helped the sheriff fulfill his duty with a smile.

After I read my former mother's declaration for the first time, I melted down. I was very fearful that I wouldn't have enough to time recover and mount a defense. I only had a month to get up from my knees, figure out how to fight back and then come up with the money to fight it from a state away. It's a lot to take in and do, particularly for a person with a disability.

My disability makes it difficult to stay balanced when under personal attack. There is no doubt that these types of attacks are destabilizing and harmful to my health. I'm already part of three of the most high-risk groups for suicide. I'm trans, a veteran, and have mental health issues. A lesser person would have died the first day. I'm going, to be honest, this was the most brutal and painful attack on my dignity and humanity I've ever endured. The fact that it came from my own former mother, just adds another level of cruelty.

My plan is to do a little each day to prepare for the legal fight and then just unload once I've got everything prepared. I think if I fixate on it for an entire day, it will degrade my health. It was hard to escape the pain in the first few days. The restraining order is really every trans person's and every disabled person's worst nightmare come to life. But, since I've been working my plan, I've actually started to feel a lot better. I feel like I'm almost back to my pre-service mood and I'm starting to feel more creative and engaged in life again.

I'm still having to protect myself from my ex-wife's harassment. I've blocked her calls and texts and I don't take calls and texts from unknown numbers. Since she doesn't have a job or a life, she usually spends her days finding ways to needle people in order to manipulate them or others with their reactions. If I allowed myself to be needled by her while preparing my defense I wouldn't be good shape by the time the hearing or trial rolls around. The judge at Tara's contempt trial said he didn't blame me for blocking her. When she tried to play innocent he pounced on her like he had been waiting for her tired schtick. It was literally the first time anyone has ever stood up and defended me. I was so used to her lying I didn't even catch it, it was all the judge on his own. I had to put a stack of text messages on the record to prove what I was actually enduring when no one was looking. It took that judge a lot of time to prepare for Tara's contempt trial and I was so shocked by how great his performance was. I literally was trying everything in my power not to screw it up.

I have an idea of what to expect at the hearing, but I've got to prepare for the worst. Tara is notorious for lying straight to the faces of judges. Because she looks harmless they usually buy her schtick until they get a chance to review the case file. Judges at hearings generally don't review the entire case, they only do it preparation for trial. So it will be an uphill battle until the judge has the time to compare notes with me (a.k.a. review my evidence). I taught Noah at our last visitation that the last thing a liar wants is for two people to compare notes. The only way this court order stays in place is if the judge refuses to give me a trial. Which I don't think he can legally do. I do believe the restraining order will be thrown out at the hearing, but I'll be pushing forward with contempt and seeking custody of Noah to try and protect him and myself from Tara's and my former mother's hate and selfishness.